The break-up letter.

I just want you to know that it's really over this time. It's not you, it's me.

OK, it's really you. The last 8 years I've depended on you. I've NEEDED you, and I hate that. And you've done nothing for me but leave me with headaches, cavities, and at least $1.50 a day less in my wallet. It's time for me to move on. Your high fructose corn syrup ways just aren't what I need in my life anymore.

I will not let you control my mornings by not letting me see straight until I have you.
I will not let you be my "gateway drug" to other junk. You know, doritos, queso dip, everything else you like to team up with.
I will not let you tear my body up one sweet, fizzy, neon green liquid ounce at a time.
And I certainly will not build a Christmas tree devoted to you. (Even if Rich thinks that's the coolest thing ever.)

I know you are probably laughing, maybe even rolling your eyes. Thinking "yeah right, she'll be back. She ALWAYS comes back". But this time it's for real...you should probably know that I've moved on. I've met someone else. His name is Tazo. He's from China. And he promises to leave me in a blissful state, not with a sugar crash like you always did. Yeah, it's a rebound relationship. But I promise you'll be OK without me. There's someone better out there for you. Plenty of crazy teenagers who need you to fuel their late night x-box sprees, or ignite those adrenaline rushes to ollie their skateboard off of a roof.

So, this is goodbye, Mountain Dew. It's been fun, but I've got bigger things in my future, and frankly, you are just holding me back. I'll never forget the fun we've had together...

Love Always,

Heather